Ok, so this is pretty awkward to admit I won’t lie. But considering recent events, my life is pretty much over anyways, so I might as well share it to the internet, I guess. As the title eludes to, I did indeed acquire an artificial lover not too long ago.

And no, it’s not a “sex robot”, that just sounds disgusting, like I’m out here banging R2D2 or something. Nothing could be further from the truth.

This whole thing kind of came out of nowhere for me. I never planned on purchasing such an item, hell I’ve never even paid for pornography before. But also, I haven’t had a girlfriend in a while either.

So, two weekends ago I got dragged along to this convention by my good buddy Hal. Hal is a big dude, in both the vertical and horizontal department with shaggy hair and a wiry orange beard. I’ll be the first to admit that he’s a bit strange, but he’s always been a good friend.

Hal claimed that this convention was a gaming expo. It was only after we were walking inside that I realized it was actually an adult entertainment convention.

“What the fuck Hal?” I asked, ogling the flyer of two voluptuous women.

“You said this was a gaming expo!” Hal scratched his neck and shrugged.

“Well it kind of is… they have games.” He replied with a pensive smile. I shot a glare back.

“Oh yeah? Games like ‘who’s in my mouth?’” Hal seemed to shrink a bit as I contemplated Ubering the 45-minute drive back home.

“Sorry dude… but you never would’ve come with me if I told you the truth.” He was right, and I shuddered at the unfortunate euphemism in his choice of wording combined with our current location. I bitched and moaned a bit more, but still followed Hal inside.

The two of us entered, and I basically gave up on convincing him to reconsider. We walked inside and were immediately met by a cornucopia of provocatively-dressed ladies, cheesy-faced salesman and neckbeards trying desperately to tuck their half-chubs into their belts.

Rows of booths and tents had been set up to display the latest and greatest in personal pleasure devices. There were sections showcasing virtual reality porn, and pleasure capsules designed for couples. Toys, pills, gels and lubricants filled every shelf. There was even an area dedicated to taking a photograph with a porn star, because y’know, who wouldn’t want a photo like that on their Facebook?

It was basically exactly the way I expected it to be. And look, to anyone who enjoys those particular activities, you do you. I’m not trying to make fun and since no one is allowed to have opinions about anything in this day and age without someone being outraged, all I’m trying to say is that it wasn’t my cup of tea.

Hal was like a kid in a candy shop though, and he quickly began skipping around the vast aisles. I followed him for a bit, minding every step. At one point he let out a high-pitched squeal as if imitating a squeezed piglet. He then waddled quickly away, and excitedly joined a group of guys standing around a petite, brunette-haired girl in a lime green bikini.

I sighed and decided to hang back, still very much remorseful for my life decisions.

“Hello there sir.” A chipper voice called behind me. To my dismay, it was clear the question was directed at me. I turned and saw a man leaning casually over a booth counter.

“How ya doin’?” The man asked, his teeth frozen in a predatory, loan-shark smile that gelled perfectly with his checkered, business suit. His hair was gelled-back, and eyebrows trimmed to be perfectly symmetrical. He looked like the type who would haggle on the ransom for his mother’s life. The words: Lovers of the Future, were embroidered on the banner above him, but behind the desk was the real curiosity.

Three female figures stood directly behind him. Spotlights shown down upon them, displaying every inch of their curvaceous frames. I thought they were booth girls, but their complete lack of movement told me otherwise.

The left one was Caucasian, a redhead with green eyes dressed in pink lingerie. The middle was African-American, rich auburn hair and eyes wearing white lingerie. And the one on the right was Asian, with cobalt hair, golden eyes and black lingerie.

Their physical appearances were basically that of angels, devoid of any skin imperfection or scar of any kind. Their figures were full and plump in all the right areas. It was as if God himself, had carefully hand-crafted each of them to be absolutely gorgeous beyond anything naturally attainable.

“Sex dolls?” I asked pointing at the three ladies. The salesman gritted his teeth.

“We actually prefer the term ‘artificial lovers’. Allows them more agency, but you got the basic idea. They are sensual companions, programmed to fulfill your every desire.” His grin seemed to widen as he spoke. He then shot his hand out towards me.

“Name’s Chuck my friend.” I met his hand and shook.

“Carl.” I replied.

“Nice to meet you Kyle, care to get a closer look?” I knew I shouldn’t, but with Hal busy galivanting around Masturbationland I decided I had nothing better to do. Chuck guided me past the booth and back into the small tent.

There I saw the girls up close, and noticed the staggering amount of detail on them. From the miniscule pores of their eyelashes, to the almost artistic application of their makeup. I know they obviously wanted to make them look presentable, but I didn’t expect that level of detail. They didn’t even look like dolls, and if you would’ve stopped me on the street and told me they were, I never would’ve believed it.

“This is Erica, Vanessa and Midori.” Chuck said pointing left to right.

“Wow…” I replied. Chuck bore an expression like he enjoyed huffing his own farts.

“Not bad huh? Wanna touch?” He gestured me closer, and I stared into the eyes of Erica; the redheaded doll. I put my hand up to her cheek, and gently caressed it. It was amazing, not rubbery or artificial at all. It felt exactly like real skin.

“Damn… I had no idea they…” I paused and began running my hand gently through her crimson locks. The smell of sweet lilac gently wafted off from her. It was honestly so fucking weird; seeing something that looked so human and yet wasn’t. Her emerald green eyes then suddenly darted to me.

“Hello Kevin.” I lurched back and nearly shit myself as she suddenly spoke. Chuck erupted into a raspy, smoker laugh.

“I’m sorry… I couldn’t resist.” He continued laughing as I recomposed myself.

“It’s Carl.” I clarified. Chuck didn’t even acknowledge it as he held up a small remote.

“You can put in your preferences with this. Just a little prank I like to pull on people.” Chuck waltzed over and proudly slapped the Asian doll on the ass.

“So whatcha think Keith?” He asked, putting his hands on his hips. I glanced at the three dolls and shrugged.

“Carl.” I clarified once again. “I didn’t know they were so realistic nowadays.” Chuck nodded displaying that smile that I had quickly begun to detest.

“You seem like a good guy Carl, I wanna offer you something…” He waved me close, putting a hand on my shoulder as if trying to seem less douchey.

“How’d you like to take one of em home?” I eyed him skeptically, knowing he was about to lay some bullshit upon me. Chuck was prepared though.

“Now before you say anything, this is a limited time offer and there is no cost involved whatsoever.” His arms spread like a referee after a missed field goal.

“You see Carl, I represent a brand-new enterprise. We are just starting out, and are currently looking to give away a few lovers free of charge. A trial run, before we fully launch our product line. So wadaya say? Wanna try her out?” I looked back at the dolls, still doubtful of the offer.

“And?” I asked.

“And that’s it, you do what you want and report your experience back to us.” Chuck handed me a black business card. ‘Lovers of the Future’ was written again, accompanied with the personal contact information of one Chuck Hagerman.

For the first time I honestly considered it. Obviously, the prospect of the whole thing was a bit, uncomfortable. I just never would’ve picture myself… well, doing that. She was a machine, and the whole idea was just really strange.

“You’re just giving them away?” I asked still skeptical. Chuck nodded excitedly.

“Limited time offer.” He proudly emphasized. The age-old adage of things being too good to be true arose in my mind. I knew there was something he was failing to mention, but an offer like that didn’t come up every day. I also did always have a bit of a thing for redheads.

Chuck gave me a rundown on how they worked. He showed me the remote he had used to previously scare the hell out of me, and explained that was the master control. You could input preferences, set personality features and other various functions. Chuck said they could walk, talk and perform ahem… ‘various sexual maneuvers.’

Without a doubt It was one of the most awkward conversations of my life. No matter how many times I winced, Chuck refused to stop using words like ‘vulva’, ‘coitus’ and ‘prostate stimulation induced climax’. As if coating them with technical jargon made them any less cringeworthy. In the end I agreed mostly so that he would just stop talking.

Obviously, I didn’t want Hal to know anything about it, but luckily Chuck had a solution for that. He told me that the dolls he had with him were only floor models. He said my doll would be delivered personally and inconspicuously to my home residence.

I was thankful for that, and after a few more minutes of random questions and filling out paperwork I thanked him and left. Despite having not lost a single dollar on the transaction, I still felt as though I had been swindled as I walked away. I looked back and noticed that no one seemed to be going near that particular booth. I thought that was strange.

I rendezvoused with Hal soon after, and found him lugging around a generous sized bag of goodies.

“Hey dude… find anything?” Hal asked with a smile as I approached him. I scoffed and shook my head.

“Aw that’s too bad… here check this out.” He went to withdraw an item from his bag, until my rapidly-flailing hands made him pause. He then chuckled and continued anyways, revealing a bag of some multicolored candies. The words ‘bag of dicks’ were embroidered upon the front.

“Gonna give em to my boss.” Hal proclaimed with a chuckle.

“Hope you don’t wanna work there anymore…” Hal and I continued browsing for longer than I would’ve liked, but eventually we wrapped it up and left.

The next day I got up and began the work week same as any other, while the memory of my impromptu decision slipped back in my mind. On Wednesday of that week, I got an email from Chuck Hagerman telling me that my delivery was due that day. Apparently, Chuck’s idea of ‘inconspicuous delivery’ was leaving a blank, six-foot tall box on my doorstep.

The thing weighed a frickin’ ton, but after some struggle I managed to cram it inside. Luckily for me I live alone in a townhouse so I didn’t have any pesky roommates to hide my new accessory from.

I got some scissors and began slicing the box open. It took some effort, but soon enough the outer shell of the package peeled away. That’s when I saw her. A redheaded, green-eyed girl wrapped neatly in a protective case. Seeing a human in a box like that was the weirdest thing I could’ve ever imagined. I mean yeah, I know she’s just technically an android, but she looked so authentic.

I freed her from the plastic prison, and proceeded to get things set up. I found the remote that Chuck had shown me beforehand. I spent some time configuring it, and consulting the instruction booklet that accompanied the package.

The entire thing was apparently operated by two large batteries that were about the size of my fist. They were rechargeable and fit in a panel on her lower back. After about three hours of trial and error, I was finally able to get her up and running.

“Hello Carl.” She spoke softly as she activated. Her green eyes blinked, and lips curled into a cutesy smile. I stared, both unnerved and enamored by the sight of her.

“Uh… hi… Erica.” She looked to me expectedly her green eyes seeming to shimmer.

“How are you?” I asked, caught off guard a bit.

“I am good now that I am with you.” Her nose crinkled as she spoke. The skin around her eyes shifted ever so slightly, and miniscule dimples formed on her cheeks as she smiled.

Once again, the sheer amount of minute detail and finesse that had gone into crafting her was astounding. She and I exchanged some basic conversations so that I could establish a baseline for what I was dealing with.

“What’s your favorite color?” – Green

“How old are you?” – 24

“What’s your favorite animal?” – Bunnies

“What color is my underwear?” – She didn’t know that one.

I just sat there and talked with her for a while, my amazement growing with every response she gave. I soon realized that she could adapt to conversation. She remembered details about things I told her, and on one occasion she even made a joke about the ugly pattern of my couch’s fabric. It was incredible, and true. Chuck had emphasized how advanced she was, but she surpassed even what I had imagined. It was like she had a distinct personality all her own.

Eventually the hour grew late, and I escorted Erica down the hall and into my bedroom. Her movements were slow, and a bit awkward, but that was really the only thing keeping her from appearing almost entirely human.

We got into my room, and Erica stood prudent at the foot of the bed, her verdant eyes curiously fixated upon me. I decided then would be a good time to… well… test out the more advanced features in her programming.

Erica seemed to already know what was happening. She unzipped her grey tracksuit, and let it fall to her feet. She stood there wearing only a pink bra and matching panties.

I don’t think I really need to go into detail about what happened next, but just know that yes, it was what you’re thinking and yes, it definitely lasted longer than two minutes. Like I said, this is awkward for all of us. So, let’s just say that she performed her duties adequately and with great enthusiasm and leave it at that.

For the next few days I continued to spend time with Erica. At night I powered her down and stored her in the closet in my spare bedroom. The rest of that weak went by without a hitch, but on Saturday I began to notice something peculiar.

It started with the smell. It was a pungent, almost mildew like scent that seemed to hang in the air. It didn’t take me long to realize it was coming from Erica. Chuck had never mentioned anything about extraneous sanitation procedures, and the instruction booklet didn’t either.

I read through the instructions again, and tried to determine where the odor was coming from. I learned a bit more about her operating system in the process. I found that there were two regulators responsible for venting her internal mechanics located just behind her ears. I thought maybe one of them had become dysfunctional, and caused the unpleasant scent to linger.

I peeled back her hair, and soon after the panel on the back of her head. There I found the two aforementioned regulators, with one of them being visibly damaged. I don’t know how that happened exactly, but a certain dent in the headboards of my bed has me suspicious.

The business card that Chuck had given me was still in my wallet, so I took it out and shot him an email. I then reactivated Erica. Her eyes flickered and she awoke.

“Good morning Carl.” She said with a smile. It was already 9PM by that point, but dammit she was too cute for me to correct.

“Hi Erica um…” I paused, and wondered how the hell I was supposed to phrase my question.

“Are you feeling okay?” Erica nodded.

“I feel good.” She replied. Silence then befell for a moment, and a slight grimace formed on her face.

“Is something wrong?” She asked. The question threw me off a bit, as I was under the impression she could only reply from direct words. It seemed like she had read my expression, or body language. Regardless, I didn’t have the heart to say it.

“No no… everything is fine. I just wanted to make sure you liked it here.” Erica’s smile quickly returned and she nodded once more. The smell had really begun to get rancid.

I talked with Erica a bit more before deciding to power her down for the night. For some reason couldn’t locate her remote. I thought that was a bit weird, but being tired I didn’t really think much of it.

I then returned to my room and got into bed. Next thing I know I woke up randomly in the middle of the night. Or at least I thought it was random. It was still dark out, and so I rolled over to go back to sleep. That’s when I saw the face in my bed staring back at me.

I was tired, and don’t remember exactly how I reacted. All I remember is loud shrieking, flailing and then falling onto my back hard. I crab-walked quickly away and flung the light switch up. A light brighter than a thousand suns seared into my eyeballs. After a moment of adjusting, I saw Erica sitting in my bed looking quite concerned.

“Jesus Christ Erica… You nearly gave me a heart attack.” I laughed to myself, feeling as though an anaconda had released it’s stranglehold on my body. The surge of adrenaline caused my hands to shake wildly, and I took a deep breath to calm myself down.

“I’m sorry. I was not properly put into sleep mode.” Erica meekly replied. She sat at the edge of the bed and stared back. It almost seemed like she was genuinely remorseful for scaring the shit out of me. Can an android feel remorse?

I reassured her that I wasn’t upset, and escorted her back to the other room. I also made sure to clearly emphasize that she was never to enter my room without permission. Especially in the middle of the night. I powered her down in the guest bed, and returned to my room.

There were still so many questions on my mind about her, and every day I seemed to be astounded by her capabilities. Chuck really undersold her capabilities, in fact, I wasn’t even sure how exactly she got reactivated that night. I was almost positive I had powered her down.

The next day I went to work as usual. When I returned home, I found that the smell had gotten even worse. I still had no reply from Chuck over email. His lack of response really began to annoy me. I still couldn’t find the damn remote either. I decided to just leave Erica be until I heard back from Chuck. That night as I was several hours into battling my insomnia, I heard something outside my room.

*creak, creak, creak*

It sounded like someone walking down the hallway towards Erica’s room. My house is a bit older, hardwood floors everywhere that creak in certain spots. My immediate thought was Erica, but I was absolutely sure I had shut her down earlier. It had to be someone else.

*creak, creak, creak*

The footsteps then shuffled down past my room. My heart had lodged itself firmly in my throat by that point, and I thought someone had broken in. Carefully I reached under my bed and grabbed my baseball bat. The footsteps outside had since gone silent.

Unfortunately for my dumbass, I had left my phone charging in the living room, so I had no ability to call the police. Minor shuffling sounds continued out in the living room, and I knew I had to go and see.

I clutched the bat tight, and as carefully as possible I pushed my bedroom door open. I glanced down the hallway in both directions, and then I saw her. Erica was knelt down by the living room table, shuffling through papers upon the floor.

“Erica?” She froze immediately, but did not turn back. I saw only her silhouette contrasted by the moonlight shining in the windows.

“Erica what are you doing?” I asked. Slowly her head turned back towards me, still hidden in shadow. She then rose slowly to her feet. My heart began to thunder in my chest, and suddenly my companion seemed incredibly ominous standing motionless in the dark.

I flicked on the light, and saw her standing there looking completely normal. She sported her typical smile and wide, doe-eyes as if nothing was wrong. At her feet were a cluster of papers and documents, but I couldn’t make out what exactly they were. Then in her right hand, I saw she was holding her own remote.

“I’m sorry Carl…” Erica spoke, and my blood froze in my veins. I then realized the terrible mistake I had made. The footsteps in the hallway crept up behind me. Something hard slammed into the back of my head before I even had the chance to turn. Everything faded to black after that.

I woke up freezing. My arms shivered and teeth chattered uncontrollably as I groggily looked around. I was in my bath tub, with chunks of ice surrounding me. A searing pain shot through my right abdomen as I awkwardly clamored out onto the floor. I fell hard, as my wobbling legs proved unable to maintain balance on the slippery floor.

My entire body was pale as a bed sheet. Lavender rings had formed under my eyes and my lips were blue as seawater. That wasn’t even the worst of it. On the right side of my abdomen, just below my ribs was a large scar. It appeared haphazardly stitched together, as if someone had been forced to do it quickly.

Somehow, I managed to drag myself out into my living room where I found my phone. I dialed 911, and lost conscious once more soon after. The last thing I saw was Erica standing in the corner looking at me.

I’m guessing that was the first time the cops responded to a call from a naked guy fresh out of an ice bath with a love doll stationed beside. Because the looks they gave me later on were absolutely priceless.

It was later discovered by hospital staff that I was in the early stages of hypothermia, and if I had been in that tub another twenty minutes, I may not have been able to write this. They also discovered that I was missing both my right kidney and a large chunk of my liver. I guess that explains the stitches.

The cops were of course quite curious about my house mate, but I didn’t even know what to tell them. Apparently, Erica was at my side when the cops arrived. She had covered me with a blanket, and was trying to warm me up as the cops rolled up.

They took me to the hospital, and took her into custody. It was only after trying to obtain her fingerprints and realizing she didn’t have any that they discovered what she actually was. That must’ve been a really strange moment for them.

They interrogated me for a long damn time after that. It wasn’t me they were really after though, it was Erica, but more specifically her creator.

Erica was not a polyurethane android as I had been led to believe. Her design was a whole lot more sophisticated and disturbing than that. Her ligaments, tendons and major organs were replaced by a series of advanced artificial ones. Her mechanical skeleton was interlaced with a complex series of preservative equipment. But her skin, eyes, brain, teeth and skull were confirmed to be authentic, and not artificial. Parts of her originated from an actual human woman.

They used a lot of other more technical terms, but I didn’t understand a whole lot. They weren’t able to get any DNA samples, but Erica herself bears a striking resemblance to a missing girl from Minnesota. The smell from earlier turned out to be a result of her skin beginning to rot after the failure of the preservative components. The cops suspect me of doing these horrible augmentations to her. I only had one name to counter them. Chuck Hagerman.

They clearly don’t believe my story, and I don’t even blame them. They checked the records of that stupid expo and big surprise, no record of anyone named Chuck Hagerman ever being there. Even that email address he gave me just displays an error message when I try to contact it.

The papers that Erica was digging through that night turned out to be my banking information, social security, birth certificate, W-2’s and other personal things. A lot of my financial accounts have been compromised, which I’m sure I also have Chuck to thank for.

Apparently, a human kidney is worth about 65,000 dollars on the black market. I don’t know why it is that whoever took it didn’t take more honestly. Maybe they just ran out of time while they were harvesting, but I suspect it’s something more than that. The x-ray also uncovered a microchip implanted in the skin between my thumb and index finger.

I don’t even know what to do at this point. I had no idea technology like this even existed, let alone would be used for such nefarious purposes. I just feel so bad for Erica more than anything. I don’t know what will happen to her now, but it’s clear she can never be the girl she once was.

In conclusion, I would just like to say: fuck you Chuck Hagerman. You sick bastard, I know that’s not your real name and I know you know that I know what you’re up to. I may be confined to a hospital bed for now, but you can’t hide forever. I want my kidney back, and if it takes me the rest of my life, I will find you. Erica told me some interesting things. Things that are about to make life very difficult for you.